THE FUNERAL OF MORALS

» faggot


MIYU, 17 and a NEET.

» noise


Dir en grey, Moi dix Mois, Matenrou Opera, hide, Kill Hannah, Gackt, Merzbow, D´espairs Ray, Zoro, v (NEU), Rinoa, Devil Sold His Soul, Piko, Deathgaze, MUCC, Dué le Quartz, Misa, GARDEN, Bull Zeichen 88, Karen etc.

neljapäev, 26. jaanuar 2012

:

I wonder if all of it is just a pleasant and sometimes an unpleasant dream. I look out of that window and light a cigarette and summon up the pictures how it all looked like in the summer. It was just.. Everything changes so sudden, even the seasons. I don´t know what am I living for or if I really am living at all. I don´t feel as I´m living. Yes, it´s all just a dream. Sometimes pleasant and sometimes unpleasant.
I wonder what becomes after I die. Is everything over just like that or is there a real life waiting for me after this. It seems so complicated. Like a hysterical try to get out of this clusterfuck to start living again. Though I´m also fine how the days and my days as a living being pass by. It´s okay, I assume.
My grandmother once said that people are afraid of what they don´t know. For an example lets take ghosts or what so ever. People are afraid and beware of them, they don´t know what ghosts really are. Neither do I, but I sense that there´s nothing to be afraid of. Another dimension maybe? I don´t know, but I want to.
I haven´t slept all night long, soon it´ll be over 24 hours since my eyes were peacefully closed last time. I don´t bother. This feeling of over-tiredness is so good. It feels like I´ve done some sort a narcotic. I don´t want to lose it. I want to feel this just a little more. I want to feel how I decay, how my body gets closer to death while my spirit is aware.
I like those four walls surrounding me. I have my freedom, but yet I´m captured between myself and the others.
Why are people so selfish to not let me die yet? That´s just so arrogant and unfair. Why do they want to keep me locked around theirselves when they actually don´t need me? I just don´t quite get the laws of humans. I feel as I´m from totally another world, another being trapped into the human world. Just fucking fade away already, okay?
I should go to bed or something. My eyelids feel baggy and my cheeks feel as if they were swollen. I don´t want to look like the portrait of Dorian Gray, though it would be my real self. Dirty and filled with my own sins. Would it really be okay to look like a shithole if you actually are one? Never mind I already almost look and act like one. I´m confused.


This song feels so raw, I like raw things.


~Miyu.