laupäev, 31. detsember 2011

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I actually don´t know what´s happening to me lately. I feel so good, so open and ready to have fun. Maybe is this because of my Euro trip, or.. I don´t know, but it feels really good. Right now I´m in Toulouse, France and smoking cannabis. I´ve regularily smoked for over 2 weeks. Maybe is this the cause of my change.
After I spend a month at home I´ll head off to Versailles, Paris and then when I find out a chance, I´ll go to Japan also. Through Russia, Kasahztan and China. But that´s not for sure.
I also noticed that I feel much better when I travel alone. Maybe I´m a lonesome cat who walks her own path in her own way. I prefer loneliness to company, does it make me a weird one+ Probably not.
I feel an urge for someone. I want someone to be on my side, but not too close. Lets get it straight, I feel like I´m ready to step into a relationship once again. I actually want it, that´s weirder than my loneliness need. But then again I´m not made for relationships and probably it will turn into something I don´t want to remember later. As usually. Sometimes I feel sorry for myself for being a stupid prick. . 3 Even my keyboard doesn´t want to work anymore - what a wonderful proof, isn´t it+
Shift, alt, ctrl are absolutely dead, that´s why I write plus marks instead of question marks and stuff like this. I know it´s unbearable, but I want to write after a long time, so sorry. You guys don´t have to read it. The only reason why I write this blog is for myself and to share something which might be useful to others, not to whine like a 13-year old girl. Those times are sort of like over.
Anyway.. Right now I´m on a trip, okay+ And when I speak in English, many people think I´m from UK, which is damn crazy. And when I tell them I´m from Estonia, they look fucking amused. Hell yeah, I´m amusing. People in Spain also came up to me for a chat when they saw me in the street with puffy hair and a vest with leopard print. I must say I looked quite a sight, to be honest. Come on, lets be realistic.. I´m everything and nothing.. Ha. Sorry about my narcissistic boom, meow.
In Estonia I want to get a passport. It´s quite a bother to travel without one. Specially when it comes to cops who aren´t as lousy as they usually are. Probably in the small villages where nothing usually happens. Damn those villages. But they still look quite beautiful and interesting, specially architecture. I wan´t talking abut the cops btw..
In the morning I have to get up probably 5am and I have around 40minutes to sleep. I think it wouldn´t be a good idea, because I´d probably feel much worse then and waking up would be probably much harder to do as well. I´m so dumb, watching 4 episodes of ''Sekai-Ichi Hatsukoi'' when I shall sleep instead. Never been the sharpest pencil in the box. Giggle.
I´m really hoping to arrive back to home soon, I´m quite tired of strange places and stuff, this trip really makes me feel tired. I miss my home bed and stuff. I miss good coffee and late nights with anime. Sleeping outside  and standing on the road or a gas station never compares to being at home. If someone would give me an ultimatum of traveling around the world forever or sitting at home forever, I´d definitely choose the second option. I know, I´m such a boring one, tehee.
And now I choose the last song and smoke the last cigarette and the I´ll head off to sleep probably. Or I´ll see what I´ll do, but I´m tired of writing already. It´s longer than my other posts anyway, hopefully.
Take care everybody and keep your feet warm. . 3

PS. My favorite band Matenrou Opera with a song ''Hiai to Melancholy''. I feel like it describes my emotions and thoughts the best right now.
Lyrics..
http://www.jpopasia.com/lyrics/22078/matenrou-opera/hiai-to-melancholy.html